How to Absolutely Know When You Are Ready to Get Married
When is the right time to get married? It used to be after you were in a position to support a family; maybe you had hit certain milestones like having a house. Romantic ideals chased this view away as cold and calculating, replacing it with a focus on emotions. Feeling the right way and knowing you had found “the one” were supposed to show that you were ready for marriage. This idea is touching, but disastrous, and has created havoc in the emotional lives of many couples. Here are some more realistic ways to know when we’re ready for marriage, and can work with a wedding planner in Northern California to start planning the big day.
We Give Up On Perfection
Looking for Mr. Right, your perfect better half leads to frustration. The person we are marrying isn’t perfect. Yes, of course, we know that no one is perfect, but this shouldn’t be a general statement that’s easy to brush off. Grasping the specifics of their imperfections is important: the ways they irritate us, are difficult and irrational, and unable to sympathize with us. This is not a problem with our partners because no one else will be better and we are just as bad.
We Despair of Being Understood
Many couples experience a deep sense of connection and support early in their relationship. They understand everything about the each other and share common likes, dislikes, and humor. But this won’t last forever. The longer we know each other, the more we realize that we are different. There are areas of our psyche that won’t make sense to our partners, or even to ourselves.
We Know We’re Crazy
We seem normal and the things we do make sense to us, at least most of the time. But realizing one’s folly is part of maturity. Sometimes we are out of control, fail to master our past, or project unhelpfully. Realizing that we don’t have it all together and regularly do crazy things helps us have a clearer picture of the world.
We’re Ready to Love
We use the word love frequently to refer to different things, namely being loved and loving. We tend to fixate on being loved, but should wait to marry until we are ready to love and don’t just want to be loved. Caring for your partner as others have cared for you is part of the true nature of love.
We are Administrators
Emotions fill the romantic view of marriage, but in real life a couple spends time together in activities that resemble running a business. They work together to cook, clean, chauffeur, reconcile, throw away, and budget. These activities are often viewed as boring and a chore, but they are part of the foundation of a successful marriage.
We Understand that Love and Sex Both Do and Don’t Go Together
Love and sex aren’t always aligned. Marriage has many concerns, including administration, companionship, and another generation. Sometimes sex suffers as people focus on other aspects of the relationship. The ability to separate love and sex, and yet hold them together, is part of being ready for marriage.
We are Happy to Learn and Teach
Our partners will be more mature, wiser, and more reasonable than us in some areas, so we should want to learn from them. But we should also be good teachers in areas where we know more, and not expect our partners to know everything or understand immediately.
We Realize We Aren’t Compatible
Sharing interests, tastes, and general attitudes toward life is helpful, but over time this fades as differences emerge. The right person for us is someone who can negotiate differences in taste, not someone who has the exact tastes that we do.
If you are ready for marriage, working with a wedding planner can help you through the process of wedding planning. A wedding planner in Northern California lowers the stress of planning and gives you time to focus on what’s important to you. Preparing for a wedding and the marriage that follows is hard work, but your wedding planner helps you create a beautiful wedding day.