How to Avoid Those ‘Inevitable’ Wedding Planning Fights


Being engaged is a thrilling time in a relationship, full of romance and anticipation. Planning a wedding, however, is a lot of work and creates stress and tension for both partners, resulting in arguments over issues large and small. Knowing some of the common problem areas beforehand and talking about them with your partner lessens friction while you plan. While it 's hard to not fight at all, preparing early helps you work through some issues in a healthy way and makes things easier during planning.

Decide Who’s in Charge

You are in this together, but there are reasons for one person to be in charge. For example, one of you may have better planning and organizational skills or more time than the other for planning. Talk about this before you began and make a decision. If you want to keep things equal, then figure out how that will work. Will you divide the responsibilities and check in occasionally? Make separate lists of what is important to you, then compare your lists. Use that information to distribute responsibilities so that each of you can focus on some things that are crucial to you. Refer to your priority lists and update them as you plan, adjusting responsibilities as needed.

Specify Tasks to do Together

Your priority lists also help you determine what tasks you should do together. Some couples want to choose everything together, and some would rather divide up decisions based on what’s important to them. If you decide to share responsibilities, figure out how much each person will have a voice in the other partner’s areas. Sometimes couples research things separately, then make decisions together, or they may prefer to be surprised by their partner’s choices. There are likely some decisions you want to make together; knowing what those are and having a plan for deciding them makes a big difference.

Discuss Planning Styles

Talk about your expectations and individual approaches to planning. It’s likely you have different planning styles; working through your personal expectations can help you avoid misunderstandings and fights. Some people are relaxed in their approach, and some are detailed oriented and organized. All styles contribute to the planning process, so try to create a balanced approach. Your different styles influence which details are important to you and which are not. Working through these differences up front can help you learn more about each other and prevent annoyance later.

Make a Plan for Planning

Determine how much time you have for planning and how to divide that time. Some people like to do a little planning each day while others like to set aside a chunk of time on the weekend. The same is true for longer periods; some people want to spread out the wedding planning over the months before the wedding day, while others would rather plan early on and be more relaxed before the wedding. While you don’t have to use the same methods, talk through your expectations before you start and work out a schedule that fits with both your styles.

Know Who’s Involved

Most weddings are planned by more than just the bride and groom. Parents and relatives on both sides are likely to have opinions on everything. Take time before planning to talk about your families and how involved they will be in the process. If one or both sets of parents are paying, then they deserve a say in the budget. The guest list is another area parents often want to be included. Discuss together what you are expecting and whose opinions matter, as well as how much they matter. Family relationships are complicated and beginning to work through them now helps as you plan the wedding and start a life together.

Wedding planning is a stressful and exciting period in a relationship. Talking through problem areas with your partner before you begin planning can help you avoid some common fights between couples. Working with a wedding planner is a great way to lessen the stress of this time. Their expertise helps you create a gorgeous wedding where the bride, and groom, can feel like a “guest at her own wedding.”