Show Your Partner They’re Loved Based On Their Love Language

Maintaining a loving relationship over a lifetime is a complicated proposition for almost everyone. People often show love to their partner in the way they would most like to receive it. Consider - if you like a big bear hug and a kiss in the morning, you might tend to assume your partner wants the same. In reality, they may secretly wish you would get them a cup of coffee instead.

This assumptive dynamic is often ineffective because all of us have unique preferences about how we want to be loved. Pastor Gary Chapman explored this relationship concept in his 1992 New York Times bestseller titled The Five Love Languages.

Chapman proposed there are five love languages: acts of service, words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, and physical touch. For years, Chapman provided counseling services to couples in crisis and began to notice that what makes one person feel loved and cared for didn’t work for their partner.

Understanding these languages is the key to fully understand your partner’s love language, which is often different than your own. This is an opportunity to strengthen your bond and improve your communication.

Below we have listed some examples of ways you can show your love to your partner based on their love language.

Quality time:

  • Try to provide your partner with your undivided attention - no cell phones, television, chores, etc. -just your focused attention. Take a time every day to do this. Some ideas are:
  • Sit down together each morning and discuss your day ahead over a cup of coffee.
  • Plan a romantic date night.
  • Talk a walk together in a local park.
  • When the workday is over, set aside 15 minutes to catch up with each other,
  • Show your interest by maintaining eye contact whenever you are having a conversation.
  • Why not plan a weekend staycation?

Words of affirmation

If you determine your partner has this love language, they need to hear ‘I love and care for you’ often. Try to include the reasons for your love, and vary the medium - try leaving your partner an unexpected voicemail or text, or a handwritten note.

Other ideas:

  • Does your partner like to cook? Never forget to show your appreciation by the simple act of thanking them.
  • Offer your enthusiastic support if they achieve a weight loss goal or workout milestone.
  • Send an encouraging email or text when they experience success at their work.
  • Remind them of the achievements when they doubt themselves.
  • Sneak a card with a message of love into their suitcase when they go on a business trip.
  • Send a random text letting them know you are thinking about them.
  • Compliment their hair or clothes, or something else about their appearance.

Receiving gifts

  • If your partner appreciates the thoughtfulness and effort behind gifts, try giving them something meaningful that demonstrates you understand your partner.
  • Has your partner seen something online or on TV that they seem to want? Plan a unique way of giving it or make it a surprise.